Monday, September 28, 2009

scrambled thoughts

Have you ever struggled with organizing your thoughts? Do you ever get so easily distracted that you can't complete a thought much less communicate it? Yeah, me too. There are a few things I've wanted to blog about, but when I try to express one, I start thinking about something else. I thought that maybe if I sat down and started typing them out, it might help - even if they are incomplete. Maybe I'll just post the thoughts without elaborating on them. We'll see how it goes.

Thought One: Why do we take for granted those closest to us?

Thought Two: Why do we stop keeping in touch with friends? For some reason an old pen-pal came to my mind last night. This was a person I went to school with for a brief period of time, but we really hit it off. After he moved away we kept in touch through writing letters (long before the days of facebook!). We did this for about two years, then all of a sudden stopped. For the life of me, I can't remember why.

Thought Three: Why am I stuck in a spiritual holding pattern - again!?

Thought Four: Why do I not do something (I don't like how I worded that, but can't think of a better way) unless I can devote ALL of my time to it? For instance:

I'm attempting to research and record my family's genealogy, but I've come to a stand still.
I started to look into "the Law" and why we no longer follow every guideline that was given by God (see this post) but because of the overwhelming number of verses that mention "the Law", I have not pursued that study. In my mind if I'm not able to sit down in a room full of open books, note pads and pencils with nothing else to do but study a particular subject, well then, I shouldn't even bother at all! I mean, I have children to teach, feed, etc. I have a house to clean, laundry to wash, groceries to buy, bills to pay. I don't have time to study my family's past generations or even God's Law for that matter! Seriously! That's how my mind works. I tell myself that if I can't give God at least an hour of study time, then I shouldn't do any. I mean, He deserves more than 5-10 minutes a day - that's an insult! So, I'll admit my short comings and refuse to play the "I gave God some time today" game (which is the reason for number three, I'm sure). Sick, isn't it? I know some of you will say this is the "perfectionist" in me. Here's a list of the ten telltale traits of a perfectionist.

I feel like a hamster in a wheel running, running, running, but getting no where!

4 comments:

Tony M said...

I'm not a psychologist, so my thoughts on thoughts may be completely bogus. That being said:

1) Probably because they are close; we assume "things will stay as they are" - including those around us. It becomes familiar, and familiarity breeds this neglect. After all, do you think much about your hands? How they work, what they're capable of, how best to care for them on a daily or moment-by-moment basis? When you're writing a letter or typing a comment to a blog post or drinking a Mountain Dew, do you stop and think about your hands? Probably not... you just use them. I think maybe it's the same with people... whether it's your spouse or your child, or the neighbor across the street, or the friendly pharmacist at your favorite drug store... whatever. Those we are NOT overly familiar with, those we have to impress, those we have to try to win over, those we want to make sure they're paying attention (or they know we're paying attention). Those closest to us... well, they're always there, right? ...I think I need to spend some time doing something nice for my wife tonight...

2) Time and effort. New people come along, new responsibilities, we get older, time seems shorter (it hasn't changed, but its relative value compared with the length of our lives is smaller, so it feels like it goes by faster)... it becomes an effort to keep up with old friends. Every week turns to every month turns to every other month turns to once or twice a year... and suddenly, nothing. I think this is ONE area where "social networking" can help, as once you have 3,427,989 friends on Facebook, you won't keep up with ALL of them, but occasionally each one will filter to the top of your "recent activities" list and you'll think, "Oh, I've not contacted <xyz> in a while, let me do that now!" and suddenly you're reconnecting.

3) I think you already answered this one. :)

4) I think perhaps you already answered this one, too.

In general... I think "time and effort" (T&E) is a good response to most of these, though... mainly because I feel the same things. It takes T&E to NOT take those closest to us for granted (that is, T&E that's spent on someone besides me); T&E to keep in touch will old friends (again, T&E spent on someone else); T&E to maintain that spiritual march towards Godly perfection (technically, this would be T&E spent on me... so why do I consider it such an effort?); T&E to do something.

Hmm... maybe it really all comes down to selfishness (and I'm speaking about ME here, not you)... all those "T&E" things, they're all T&E spent on "not entertaining me"...

Just a thought (or two).

Tony M said...

Something else I want to know: why do I always think I've probably made the wrong choice whenever I actually do something?

Anonymous said...

Christy,

Sometimes I think you have gone in my head and written "my" thoughts instead of yours. You wouldn't believe how many times I read what you write and think..."Me, too! Me,too!"

I cannot concentrate on things these days either, much less organize said things!

Julie :)

Christy said...

Tony, thanks for taking the T&E to post a reply here. ;0) As far as your extra question, I don't know, but I do the same thing.

Julie, Kind of scary, huh?! LOL! Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one. Sometimes that how it feels and it's a lonely feeling. By the way, you are one of those friends with whom I've intended on keeping in touch with more and have failed to do so. I apologize for that and will try to be better. ;0)