Monday, August 24, 2009

warning to male readers - you might not want to proceed

I'm at a yucky place again. I'm not quite down in the pit, but I feel my feet starting to stick in the miry clay that surrounds the gigantic, dark black hole. This is when I start to do a spiritual & physical inventory of sorts.

  1. How's my prayer life? Check - I'm praying regularly.
  2. Am I reading the Bible? Check - I'm reading almost daily.
  3. Am I in fellowship with other believers? Check - I attend regular fellowships and meet with friends who hold me accountable.
  4. Am I in God's will? Check - as far as I know, anyway.
  5. Am I sleeping enough? Check - at least for the last 2-3 nights it's been good (except that I've had to take OTC meds)
  6. Am I eating the right things? No check - I've had too much junk/fast food in the last few days.
  7. Am I remembering to take my supplements? Check - except for the Kava Kava for sleep (I haven't restocked).
OK, so could eating junk food and fast food, OTC sleep meds be enough to start pushing me toward the pit? I don't know, really. It doesn't help, I'm sure. For the most part I think I've just got a rotten attitude. But then I have to wonder, "How can I have a bad attitude if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing - reading the Bible, praying, fellowship with believers, etc.?" Then I ask, OK, (sorry about this, guys. I did warn you) is it that time of the month? I think it's coming up soon, but WHY and HOW can that make me feel so sad and angry? And how can I explain/teach my daughter to control her emotions when she begins this wonderful journey called womanhood? (grrrrr!) I get really tired of struggling with this month after month. I know that I need to control myself, but there are times when I feel completely OUT of control. It's almost as if another person takes over and I'm out-of-body hovering around watching this lunatic go around using my body, ranting and raving about stupid things and I'm helpless to stop it! Part of my mind knows this is insane - but that's the part that has been hijacked. It really is like Jekyll and Hide (except I didn't voluntarily ingest something to bring on this transformation). I have no hope for the future, either. From what I hear menopause is not pretty, either. Why do women have to deal with this mess?


Anonymous said...

Well, if it is true what they say "misery loves company" then I can tell you that I suffer some of the same things. I am a bit closer to the big M and as that approaches I have a whole new list of symptoms. Excersise(which I HATE)seems to help me some. Hang in there, Sister!


Brenda said...

That song was hysterical! Back when I was still having periods I'd occasionally get a bad month of pms so I can relate to what you're describing. Now I'm in menopause and I sometimes struggle with depression, but mainly just mild hot flashes. I think I've always had some issues with depression just in general though. I'm taking black cohosh for menopause and hopefully that will be enough. Don't want to go on hrt if I don't have to, but I will if I turn into a scary creature, haha! So far, so good. Hope you feel better very soon. Bless you.