Tuesday, August 18, 2009

dreading the night

The title of my blog should be an indication that I have sleep issues. I've struggled with getting a good night's sleep since my teen years. I've tried many different things: warm baths, reading, aroma therapy, soft music, sounds of nature, exercising, medications, herbal teas, etc. Several of these things have worked, but only for a short time. I lie in bed and a plethora of thoughts will run around in a tizzy, much like ants do when their hills are disrupted. No matter how physically tired I am, most nights I toss and turn, envious of the sounds of slumber my husband and kids are making. I hear street noise, crickets and the wind - other sounds made only in my imagination. I picture family members living and passed. I worry if I'm doing enough for my kids, my husband, and my God. I think of what needs to be accomplished tomorrow. I recount my short comings and berate myself for my weaknesses. I try to sing myself to sleep. I try to pray but then my mind wanders and I feel guilty because I can't concentrate long enough to talk to my heavenly Father. I stress out that time is passing and I'm still awake at midnight, 1:30 a.m., 2:45 a.m., and so on. I hate that my mind won't cooperate but insists on rebelling against the moon and stars that indicate it's time for rest. I regret that I'm not a morning person like my husband, and that I don't get to see him when he's rested. I long to be different - normal.

So, even after a long day, I dread the night. But when I think of it, it's the morning I dread. That's when all the expectations begin again and I have no energy or drive to live up to them.

5 comments:

Pam said...

I have sleep issues too. It's hard to be perky during the day with no sleep.

Mandie said...

I had the insomnia issues while I was pregnant. Tylenol PM was the only thing that helped me. I hope you find something that helps you!

Have you tried chiropractic, yet?!

LRAQUILA said...

I have had this struggle lately.....not the going to sleep...but STAYING asleep. However, I feel God has been waking me to pray for people. But, still, after several days, I was not a nice person to live with....because I was really behind on sleep.
Thankfully, my God knows me....and the last two nights, I have not been awakened.....and I feel much better.
Simple question, but do you consume caffeine? My husband had the same problem you do for years...and he simply switched to decaf (BIG coffee drinker).....and he sleeps much better now between that and making himself be physical (treadmill or other activity almost daily).

Hope you are sleeping better soon...I know how insomnia affects me...and it's NOT pretty at all...inside or out.... :( I cannot imagine long term because even a few days will really mess me up. I will certainly be praying for you.

Caryn said...

I wonder if it could be caused by any meds...especially if you have been on one long term.

My mother told me once that the chiro told her to get up and move a little before she went to sleep...not anything strenuous, but something simple, like put some dishes in the dishwasher or straighten a room a bit, or set the table for breakfast.

I'll say a prayer for you tonight.

Ruth said...

" I recount my short comings and berate myself for my weaknesses"

Ouch - that hurts! I know you Christy because you're me in a lot of ways.

Give yourself a break girlfriend and stop to smell the roses. You put way too many expectations on yourself. Let things go and stop overthinking things. Be proud of yourself for the beautiful, nurturing, insightful, giving, creative woman you are.

These words are given in love from one overthinking perfectionist to another. :)