Sunday, April 5, 2009

Fruit Salad

There have been two incidences this past week where I have utterly failed at demonstrating the love of Christ to my fellow man. I will put it this way - I was butt ugly (sorry if that offends, but that's the best way to describe it). Unfortunately one of the outbursts was toward my children. Both times I was past my hunger point, which makes me extremely irritable, but that's no excuse is it? I also later realized that I'm on the "P" in the "MS" cycle (sorry, guys) but again, that's no excuse. So instead of exhibiting the fruits of the Spirit, I have consistenly chewed up the fruits and spit them out as if they were part of a spoiled fruit salad. This breaks my heart when I realize the way I have hurt the name of Christ. When will I ever be able to walk as those who have gone on before me? I'm currently reading about Daniel and how he maintained his composure and his testimony before the most vile of men in the most uncomfortable (to say the least) circumstances - being taken captive and removed from your home, placed into the most ungodly of cities, surrounded by pagan worship, etc. Yet there is no record of him blowing up and losing his cool like I have of late. Yes, God forgives and gives me chance after chance, and for that I'm grateful. I am still grieved, however, that I have not yet "arrived". It just goes to show that living in Christ is not easy and if I'm not daily putting on my armor, it's impossible. Man, I wonder when I'll finally get it through this thick head of mine that I can NOT go a day without spending time with my Lord! To be truthful, I've been convicted about this blogging thing. I don't write posts everyday, but I do read MANY others and it has sucked so much time out of my days. Time I should be spending with my Lord, with my family, with my other responsibilities. There has to be a change. I can't continue to feed my flesh and expect to grow in the Spirit. I know some of you have had this same struggle. What began out of a desire to share our faith with as many people as possible via the Internet has turned into a time trap that robs us of our 'quiet time'. Well, you might have already worked through your struggle and found a proper balance. I'm just beginning to realize the need for balance. I do enjoy sharing in the walk of others, being challenged by your thoughts. Those are good things. We can encourage each other, pray for each other, point fingers and laugh out loud at each other! :0) Those are good things. But, like anything, if it takes the place of our God, not so good - not good at all. I am seeking balance. I want to exhibit the fruits of the Spirit - but not in a yucky fruit salad way.


LRAQUILA said...

What a neat analogy! I feel that same way about last week...maybe the stress of the preparation for the 'test'...but both my daughter and I have been at each other....edgy and not nearly as long suffering as Christ. We had to both apologize to each other...a few times.... Not that it helps you, but I find that when my time is limited (too often by my poor choices of how to use my time), I find that I have to choose...pray or read the word???? I feel SO guilty.... This week, I have spent daily time in prayer....but not as much time in the word. But, then when I did find longer blocks of time, I would read for extended periods of time. I suspect this week will be a challenge since I normally pray, read and walk before Abigail is up then start my day..but with testing I will have to do all ( or skip some things)on a faster time line. I am rambling now...but all that to say...I understand...and I agree...we all have our days....even weeks...where Christ is not shining thru like we'd like and life's circumstances (didn't you have two sick kids this week too?) really makes things even harder for us. I am so thankful for God's forgivness and I am sure that the others you wronged have forgiven you too. It's a new day.....embrace that...

Terry said...

Our recovery minister (a former drug addict and homeless man himself) has taught us the acronymn HALT. He says that we are most vulnerable to our temptations when we are
I have noticed that he is right. I am more vulnerable in those circumstances, too. I try to recognize when I am in such circumstances so that I can readjust and focus on what the Spirit is trying to do with me. It's important to recognize when we are vulnerable. It's a part of spiritual growth.

Brenda said...

Both hunger and pms are legit reasons to explode. But I understand what you mean about feeling like you failed. I honestly don't think we will "arrive" as long as we're on this earth. You are definitely on the right track in setting that goal to strive for though. As far as your witness and what others watching might think, they are seeing you being real. If they know you are a Christian and only see you be perfect in all ways and at all times, that might discourage them and turn them off since they know they could never be perfect. Also, hearing you apologize about bad behavior is always a good thing. Just a thought.

Pam said...

I know what you mean about the PMS. I try not to be irritable during this time, but it is so hard not to be!
I know many times I have to apologize to my kids when I am ill tempered and pray for forgiveness.
I love that fruit salad analogy!