There have been two incidences this past week where I have utterly failed at demonstrating the love of Christ to my fellow man. I will put it this way - I was butt ugly (sorry if that offends, but that's the best way to describe it). Unfortunately one of the outbursts was toward my children. Both times I was past my hunger point, which makes me extremely irritable, but that's no excuse is it? I also later realized that I'm on the "P" in the "MS" cycle (sorry, guys) but again, that's no excuse. So instead of exhibiting the fruits of the Spirit, I have consistenly chewed up the fruits and spit them out as if they were part of a spoiled fruit salad. This breaks my heart when I realize the way I have hurt the name of Christ. When will I ever be able to walk as those who have gone on before me? I'm currently reading about Daniel and how he maintained his composure and his testimony before the most vile of men in the most uncomfortable (to say the least) circumstances - being taken captive and removed from your home, placed into the most ungodly of cities, surrounded by pagan worship, etc. Yet there is no record of him blowing up and losing his cool like I have of late. Yes, God forgives and gives me chance after chance, and for that I'm grateful. I am still grieved, however, that I have not yet "arrived". It just goes to show that living in Christ is not easy and if I'm not daily putting on my armor, it's impossible. Man, I wonder when I'll finally get it through this thick head of mine that I can NOT go a day without spending time with my Lord! To be truthful, I've been convicted about this blogging thing. I don't write posts everyday, but I do read MANY others and it has sucked so much time out of my days. Time I should be spending with my Lord, with my family, with my other responsibilities. There has to be a change. I can't continue to feed my flesh and expect to grow in the Spirit. I know some of you have had this same struggle. What began out of a desire to share our faith with as many people as possible via the Internet has turned into a time trap that robs us of our 'quiet time'. Well, you might have already worked through your struggle and found a proper balance. I'm just beginning to realize the need for balance. I do enjoy sharing in the walk of others, being challenged by your thoughts. Those are good things. We can encourage each other, pray for each other, point fingers and laugh out loud at each other! :0) Those are good things. But, like anything, if it takes the place of our God, not so good - not good at all. I am seeking balance. I want to exhibit the fruits of the Spirit - but not in a yucky fruit salad way.