Saturday, February 21, 2009

visibly shaken

Last night I awoke at around 12:40 a.m. (I guess I should say "this morning" instead). I had had a nightmare. This nightmare was so bad that at first I couldn't even remember what it was about, yet I was extremely afraid. I awakened my husband but I didn't want to talk about the dream. Actually the memory of it was just starting to trickle back into my brain, and I could not yet verbalize it. I felt physically ill from this nightmare! I was shaking, and extremely disturbed and distressed. I wanted to come and write out the dream and share it here, but instead went to my closet and wrote it down in my paper journal. Afterwards I was disturbed even more and I just sat there and cried. What made me so frightened? Well, after having remembered the dream, I started to doubt if I am as close to God as I have been thinking, and if something I felt strongly about having heard from Him was actually Him and not the enemy. Doubts plagued me. I decided that I needed the Word, and felt compelled to read Jeremiah 29:11-13, so that's what I did. I read the words and couldn't help but cry even more. I was too upset to go back to sleep -actually I was afraid to go back to sleep! I didn't want to keep my husband up, so I went to the kitchen where we keep the computer and logged on. I searched the Living Proof ministries website and found a link that would allow me to listen to some of Beth Moore's lectures. The first one was from 1 Peter 1:1-9, proving us genuine. These verses helped to calm me. It was a 30 minute lesson, and one I needed to hear at the time. Another lecture I listened to was from Ephesians 3. It was 47 minutes long and again, what I needed to hear. The Word quieted my spirit and reminded me that I had indeed heard God's voice and not the enemy's. The nightmare was from the enemy. I remembered that God does not give us a spirit of fear and that He gives sleep to those He loves. I was able to go back to bed and eventually back to sleep.
I praise God, my Father, for His Word! I praise Him for His promise to complete the work He has started in me.


Southerner said...

I have only had one time where I felt the real at war right now presence of the enemy. I have many times felt at spiritual war but not to the point of total fear like this one time. Darryl was out of town. I laid down and every time I closed my eyes these creatures were flying up to my face (I was still awake and could not stop the images) I felt a heaviness on my chest like I was being held down and something was sitting on my chest. I tried to pray and the images prevented me from being able to complete a thought. All I could do was call out the name of Jesus over and over in my mind. I then felt a VERY strong feeling that God was telling me he was going to take one of my children. I got up and went to the room Ashley and Cameron shared and when I entered I felt that it was Ashley. I knelt by her bed and prayed over her. At first my prayer was for God to spare her and begging Him not to take her. Then, I changed and released her. I was sobbing with the thought that I was handing her over to God to take if that was what he wanted. I went to the living room and read the Bible and a peace came over me. I know God does not give us the spirit of fear so it had to be the enemy telling me that he was taking my daughter. It was a real difining moment in my growth to trust God and showed me where there are areas that I try to hold onto. He is good and is our shield and protector. You may not be able to complete a thought but just continue to call the name of Jesus over and over when that is all you have.

Brenda said...

That must have been such a horribly scary feeling. I'm glad you were able to get up and read God's Word and listen to the lectures. I've woken up a couple times and been terrified from a nightmare. Thankfully my husband was home (he travels often for his job). I woke him up and he was able to comfort me. I remember being too afraid to get out of bed.

Wow, that story from Southerner sounds incredibly frightening. Nothing like that has ever happened to me. I have been extremely sick with the flu in the middle of the night a few times and all alone. I was laying on the bathroom floor trying to fight blacking out and just saying the name Jesus over and over.